The Most Common Reason Couples Stop Having Sex
When you first got together, you and your partner couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You’d spend all weekend in bed, reluctantly leaving to arrive late to a social commitment you couldn’t come up with an excuse for skipping. Flash forward a year or two, and now the only action you seem to get is from the colorful collection of vibrating friends sitting in your bedside drawer. The reality is, relationships typically change once the honeymoon period is over. As you become more comfortable with each other, you may not feel the need to prioritize your relationship in the same way you did in the beginning, and the amount of I-need-you-right-now sex you two have may decrease a bit. But what do you do if you suddenly find yourself in a totally sexless relationship?
According to Dr. Dana McNeil, licensed marriage and family therapist, a sexless relationship is a situation in which the lack of sex is a problem for at least one partner. It may cause emotional distress, insecurity, or an overall dissatisfaction with the relationship as a whole.
For most people, sexual satisfaction is important to the health of a long-term relationship, but often, the biggest issue isn’t the lack of sex itself, it’s the fact that it isn’t being acknowledged. “Many partners, innocently enough, try to minimize the problem or dismiss the issue because they don’t know how to handle it or are embarrassed,” McNeil says. “This will backfire every time.” If you’re feeling some discontent in this area, here are a few tips for how to move forward, and hopefully, get back to having spicy sex on the regular.
What Are The Causes Of A Sexless Relationship?

There are a number of reasons why couples stop having regular sex, and every situation is different. According to McNeil, the most common reason for a sexless marriage or relationship is simply exhaustion from your daily routine. You get up at five, go for a run, head to work, call your mom, make dinner, and next thing you know, bam, it’s 10 p.m., and you’re knocked out on the couch. The next day, it’s the same old story.
“What typically happens is that couples get into the business of ‘being in a relationship’ versus cultivating a connection,” McNeil says. “For some, sex can begin to feel like another box to check on their to-do list. The thought of having to get their mojo on and ‘perform’ sexually loses its shine when they just worked a 10-hour shift.”
Major betrayals, resentment, or unresolved conflict can also contribute to a lack of sex and intimacy. Even little things like leaving the dishes undone or letting clean laundry stay unfolded — if left unaddressed — can fester to the point where one partner just loses interest altogether.
“Withdrawing from being intimate can start to feel like a physical shield that protects the wounded partner from experiencing too much vulnerability,” McNeil says. “Sometimes taking sex off the table can feel like a way to take back control in the relationship.”
It’s also important to note that physical injuries, certain medications, or health conditions can negatively affect your sex life. For instance, if your partner is dealing with depression (or taking medication to treat said depression), that may be causing a decrease in their libido.
How To Talk To Your Partner About The Lack Of Sex In Your Relationship
The good news is that sexless relationships aren’t doomed to stay sexless forever. But in order to bring this issue up to your partner and change the pattern, it’s important to first understand your own feelings around the matter.
According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Lesli Doares, you need to be able to identify your beliefs and expectations around sex, and the role you want it to play in the relationship. Start by doing some self-reflection. Ask yourself questions like: “Why haven’t we been having sex? Are we just too busy, or is there an underlying cause? How am I feeling about my partner right now? How important is sex to me? Is a lack of sex something I can really live with?”
Once you’re able to do that, you can have an open and honest conversation with your partner about why the lack of sex is a problem for you. It’s crucial, however, to do so in a way that doesn’t place the blame on them, so try starting the conversation with “I” statements. For example, “I’ve noticed that we haven’t been having sex lately, and it’s making me feel distant from you.” This framing will help you keep the focus on your feelings so you can minimize the possibility of starting an argument.
Most importantly, be open to the possibility that your behaviors have contributed to the issue, too, and try to be empathetic to your partner’s point of view. “Remember that a conversation is a two-way street,” Doares says. “You also must be willing to listen to their thoughts, feelings, beliefs and expectations around it. That’s where the seeds of a solution are.” If you’ve tried to bring this up before and just ended up getting into a fight, it may be time to consider meeting with a mediator or therapist, who can help facilitate a more productive conversation.
For couples who have become very distant, McNeil suggests trying “sensate touch” to reacquaint yourselves physically. All you have to do is be present (so leave your phone in the other room) and focus on the sensation of touching your partner and being touched by them back. It’s more about intimacy and less about sex. This can help distant couples feel emotionally safe with one another again.
“The fact is that when couples haven’t been intimate in some time, there is a tendency to want to make sure they have sex that ends in a win for both,” McNeil says. “This is often unrealistic, so re-igniting a sense of familiarity, desire, connection, and intimate awareness of each other’s body again while taking sex off the table can ignite desire to return to an intimate relationship.”
When To Leave A Sexless Relationship

If you’ve had honest conversations with your partner and you’re seeing no signs of change, this could be a red flag for your relationship. According to McNeil, “A person who doesn’t show empathy, concern, compassion, or interest in taking their partner’s needs into consideration has deeper intimacy issues than just not having sex.” If your partner lashes out, gets mean or defensive, or refuses to see a therapist with you, these are signs this person might not be the right partner for you long-term.
Sometimes couples realize they’re sexually incompatible. Maybe your libidos are mismatched or your sexual needs don’t align. In that case, the most important question to ask yourself is how important is sex to you in a relationship. Is it a dealbreaker for your partner to not want sex as often as you do?
If so, then staying in a sexless relationship will only leave you feeling unfulfilled more and more as time goes on, which will inevitably create other problems down the line. Don’t be afraid to call it quits if your needs aren’t being met. Chances are, you’ll find a partner who is a much better fit for you.
My Father Locked Me Out of My Own Graduation So My Stepsister Could Take My Seat. He Called Me “Just a Nurse’s Assistant.” Minutes Later, the Dean Revealed the Truth—and My Family’s Smiles Vanished.
My hands were always raw.
Even as I stood on the cracked concrete driveway, I could still smell the harsh medical sanitizer clinging to my skin. After four years of hospital shifts, chlorhexidine had become my perfume. My back ached like fragile glass stacked too high, each step threatening to break it after another punishing twelve-hour shift at the university hospital.
I pushed my key into the back door of my late mother’s house.
Once, this place had smelled like cinnamon and old books. Now, the air was heavy with fake lavender diffusers my stepmother, Victoria Hensley, bought in bulk. Over the past five years, my father, Thomas Hensley, had slowly erased every trace of my mother. Her sturdy oak antiques had been replaced with Victoria’s glossy mirrored furniture and cheap-looking acrylic chairs.
A loud, artificial laugh burst from the dining room.
“Oh my god, you guys, this sheer detail is literally everything.”
It was my stepsister, Haley Hensley.
She stood beneath a blinding ring light, livestreaming to her followers while spinning in a designer trench coat that probably cost more than two months of my nursing assistant pay.
I kept my head down and tried to slip toward the basement stairs. All I wanted was the dark silence of my cramped room. I had been awake for twenty-two hours, moving patients in the pediatric oncology ward while quietly finishing the final statistical models for my doctoral thesis.
Victoria’s voice snapped through the hallway.
“Clara. Stop sneaking around.”
She sat at the head of the table, painting her nails deep red. Without looking up, she pushed a stack of greasy plates toward me.
“Wash these before bed. Haley has an important brand shoot tomorrow, and I refuse to let the kitchen look like a dump.”
Thomas glanced up from his tablet.
“Just do it, Clara,” he muttered. “And keep the noise down.”
I stood there, exhausted, my fingers gripping the strap of my bag. Inside was the gold-embossed envelope I had carried all day.
“Dad,” I said softly. “My graduation ceremony is this Friday. Because of security, I only get one guest ticket. I was hoping you would come—”
Before I could finish, Thomas stood and snatched the envelope from my hand.
He didn’t open it.
He didn’t even look at the university seal.
He simply handed it to Haley.
“Don’t be selfish, Clara,” he said coldly. “Haley’s lifestyle brand needs high-society content. A medical school graduation will be full of wealthy families. You’re only a nurse’s assistant anyway. Let your sister have a real moment.”
Haley squealed and waved the ticket toward her ring light.
“VIP access! Thanks, Dad!”
I stared at the man who was supposed to be my father.
For four brutal years, I had hidden the truth. I had never corrected them when they assumed my hospital hours were low-level assistant work. They had no idea I was graduating from the university’s elite medical school.
I said nothing.
I turned away and walked down to my windowless basement room.
At the bottom of the stairs, I froze.
Through the old vents, Victoria’s voice drifted down.
“Are the papers ready?”
“Yes,” Thomas answered. “After this ridiculous graduation on Friday, we’ll give her the eviction notice. She’s eighteen now. She has no claim to her mother’s estate anymore. Haley needs that basement cleared out for her content studio.”
The morning of the ceremony, rain hammered University Hall in freezing sheets.
I stood in the stone courtyard, my black graduation gown soaked and clinging to my ankles. Then a sleek black taxi stopped at the VIP curb.
My family stepped out.
Haley came first, protected by a huge umbrella, clutching my stolen VIP ticket like a trophy. Victoria complained about her hair. Thomas adjusted his silk tie and scanned the crowd for rich people he could impress.
I moved toward the security checkpoint to explain that I didn’t need a guest ticket because I was part of the graduating doctoral class.
Before I could speak, Thomas grabbed my arm and yanked me out of line.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he hissed. “You’ll ruin Haley’s photos looking like that. You’re only an assistant. Go wait in the car. Do not embarrass us in front of wealthy doctors.”
Victoria looked me over with disgust.
“Listen to your father, Clara. Let your sister have her moment.”
Thomas shoved me toward the wet steps.
My heel slipped, and I barely caught the railing.
Then the bronze doors closed behind them, shutting away the warm light inside.
I stood alone in the rain, wondering if maybe I should just leave.
But before I could take one step away, the rain suddenly stopped hitting my head.
A black umbrella appeared above me.
I looked up and saw Dean Jonathan Bradley, head of the university medical board, staring at me in shock.
“Dr. Hensley?” he said. “Why are you standing out here in the freezing rain? The board of trustees has been looking for you backstage for thirty minutes!”
Part 2
Backstage, the world felt completely different.
The air smelled of polished leather, old paper, and expensive flowers. The moment Dean Bradley guided me through the private faculty entrance, two assistants rushed over with heated towels.
“We have her! Dr. Hensley is here!” one of them called.
Dr. Charles Fletcher, the world-renowned head of pediatric oncology and my thesis advisor, stepped out from a dressing room with a proud smile.
“My God, Clara,” he said warmly. “We thought we lost our star.”
He lifted the heavy velvet doctoral hood and placed it over my shoulders. The green and gold satin lining marked my rare dual MD/PhD status.
It felt like armor.
“You look magnificent,” Dr. Fletcher said softly. “Your research on pediatric leukemia is going to change the world. Your mother would have been so proud.”
I looked into the mirror.
The invisible girl in stained scrubs was gone.
In her place stood a woman wrapped in every sleepless night, every tear, and every humiliation she had survived.
Meanwhile, in the fourth row of the VIP section, Thomas and Victoria were performing for strangers.
“Oh, absolutely,” Victoria lied to a wealthy neurosurgeon’s family. “Haley is practically the guest of honor today. Our other daughter is just a low-level assistant. Sweet, but rooms like this intimidate her.”
Thomas nodded proudly, tapping the folded eviction notice inside his jacket pocket.
“It’s all about surrounding yourself with excellence,” he boasted.
Backstage, the five-minute warning chimed.
Dean Bradley handed me the leather-bound binder with my keynote address.
“Clara,” he said quietly, “powerful investors are in the front rows today. Marcus Sterling, CEO of Sterling Pharmaceutical Conglomerate, is here. Your father’s logistics company has been begging his office for a contract for two years.”
My heart skipped.
Dean Bradley’s eyes glinted.
“They’re all waiting for you. Are you ready to change your life?”
The crimson curtains opened.
A white spotlight struck the stage.
Dean Bradley stepped to the podium.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” he announced, “today we celebrate extraordinary minds. But one among them stands apart. She is graduating first in her class with a rare dual MD/PhD in pediatric oncology and is the historic recipient of our university’s highest national honor: the two-million-dollar National Health Research Grant.”
A gasp rolled through the audience.
In the fourth row, Thomas leaned toward Victoria and smirked.
“Imagine having a daughter like that. Instead, we have Clara cleaning hospital rooms.”
Victoria rolled her eyes.
Dean Bradley’s voice rose.
“Please welcome our valedictorian, keynote speaker, and the undeniable future of oncology research… Dr. Clara Hensley.”
For one second, the universe froze.
Then the spotlight swung toward the wings.
I stepped onto the stage.
My chin was high. My posture was steady. The velvet academic robes flowed behind me as I walked to the podium.
The entire auditorium erupted.
Three thousand people rose in a thunderous standing ovation.
But I looked only at the fourth row.
Thomas’s smug smile vanished. Victoria’s face turned ghostly pale. Haley froze with her phone in her hand, her mouth open in silent horror.
They were exposed.
I reached the podium and let the applause wash over me before raising one hand.
The room quieted.
I leaned toward the microphone.
“To those who told me to step aside so others could have their moment,” I said clearly, staring at my trembling father, “thank you. Your cruelty forced me to build a stage where I no longer need your permission to stand.”
The silence was absolute.
Then Thomas broke.
He jumped to his feet, knocking his chair backward.
“This is a mistake!” he screamed. “She’s lying! She’s not a doctor! She’s just a nurse’s assistant! She stole someone’s identity! Security, arrest her!”
Three campus security guards moved instantly.
They grabbed him by the arms.
“Sir,” the lead guard said coldly, “you are disrupting a federally funded academic ceremony. Move now, or you will be carried out.”
They dragged him up the aisle while doctors, investors, and trustees watched in disgust.
Victoria and Haley hurried after him, humiliated.
I watched them leave.
For the first time, I felt no fear.
Only freedom.
Then I turned back to the audience and delivered my keynote.
Part 3
I spoke about pediatric suffering, molecular pathways, research, hope, and a future where children would no longer live beneath the shadow of cancer.
By the time I reached my final sentence, many people in the room were crying.
When I finished, the audience rose again.
This time, the applause felt like the world confirming that I existed.
Two hours later, my life had fully separated from theirs.
I sat in Dean Bradley’s private office, surrounded by wood paneling, expensive espresso, and quiet success. With a Montblanc pen in my hand, I signed the official two-million-dollar federal research contract.
Dr. Fletcher stood behind me, smiling like a proud father.
Three blocks away, Thomas and Victoria sat in a cheap coffee shop under fluorescent lights, soaked in shame and rain. Their phones buzzed nonstop. Haley had forgotten to end her livestream when she dropped her phone, and the entire internet had witnessed Thomas’s public meltdown. Her sponsors were already cutting ties one by one.
Before Thomas could process the collapse, a tall man in a gray suit approached their table.
He placed a legal document over Thomas’s coffee cup.
“Mr. Hensley?” he said. “I’m Arthur Vance. I represent Dr. Clara Hensley. This is an immediate injunction freezing your personal and business bank accounts.”
Thomas stared at him.
“What? On what grounds?”
“On the grounds of a civil lawsuit challenging your attempt to fraudulently transfer and liquidate her late mother’s estate,” Mr. Vance replied. “My client has also filed a restraining order. If you go near her property or her laboratory, you will be arrested.”
Back in the dean’s office, I capped the pen and exhaled.
It was done.
The house was safe.
I was safe.
Then Dr. Fletcher entered with an older man in a perfectly tailored Italian suit.
“Clara,” he said, “this is Elias Thorne, head of the Global Pharmaceutical Alliance.”
Mr. Thorne shook my hand.
“Dr. Hensley,” he said. “Your speech was the most brilliant defense of targeted molecular therapy I’ve heard in ten years. I want to fund your private research laboratory. Unlimited capital. But only under one condition.”
One year later.
The Hensley Oncology Lab stood in the university’s new research wing, filled with millions of dollars of sequencing equipment and quiet, controlled power.
I stood in the center of my private laboratory wearing a crisp white coat.
Above my heart, embroidered in navy thread, were the words:
Dr. Clara Hensley, MD/PhD, Director.
On my glass desk sat a silver-framed photograph of my mother.
I kept the house, Mom.
I kept the promise.
A soft knock sounded at my office door.
My assistant, Sarah, stepped in.
“Dr. Hensley? There’s a man in the lobby. He says he’s your father. He doesn’t have an appointment, but he’s begging for two minutes.”
The panic his name once caused was gone.
Only calm remained.
“I’ll handle it.”
I walked into the marble lobby.
Thomas stood near the security desk.
The past year had destroyed him. His company had collapsed. Victoria had divorced him and left with Haley. His suit was wrinkled, his shoulders slumped, and his eyes were bloodshot.
“Clara… please,” he whispered. “I’m your father. I made a terrible mistake. I’m ruined. The bank is taking my apartment tomorrow. Just write me one recommendation letter. Introduce me to Elias Thorne. Please. Save me.”
Security stopped him from coming closer.
I looked at the man who had stolen my ticket, shoved me into the rain, and tried to take my mother’s house.
I searched for anger.
For hatred.
For pain.
I found nothing.
Only distance.
“I’m sorry, Thomas,” I said calmly.
His face crumbled when I used his first name.
“But as you once told me, when you are standing near greatness, you need to move aside. You need to let the real achievers have their moment.”
I turned and walked away.
The glass doors opened, letting me back into the empire I had built without him.
When I returned to my desk, my secure phone chimed.
An encrypted international call.
Stockholm, Sweden.
My heart began to pound.
I picked up.
A formal voice introduced himself as the chairman of the Nobel Committee’s selection board.
As he spoke the words that would place my name into medical history, I closed my eyes.
A tearful smile spread across my face.
I looked at my mother’s photograph.
“We did it, Mom,” I whispered. “We finally did it.”